I haven't really been posting lately because I've been exhausted and depressed.
We went to Fun Fun Fun Fest and saw some great bands. I made it through 3 days of sitting outside in the cold and dust and smoke despite having bronchitis and terrible allergies. I had energy shots, antibiotics, cough drops, dust masks, kleenex, expectorant and ibuprofen. Sawborg of GWAR, walked right past the front of my wheelchair. I got to see Oderus (sp?) of GWAR arrive in the back of a van. When he stepped out he flopped his giant costume schlong at the audience...which was basically right in my direction. Later, when they performed, they annihilated Sarah Palin. Also saw the amazing Weird Al Yankovic, the Casualties, Municipal Waste, The Gories, The Vandals, Bad Religion, and the DESCENDENTS! Worth feeling like crap and dealing with terrible handicap accessibility.
However, over the last week, I've been having more and more bouts of explosive depression that have interrupted my ability to properly function. I attribute it to the Lyrica, because although I've got stressors, they rarely induce this sort of self-harm/suicidal rage. I envisioned stabbing myself in the face last night, and have been having extreme moments of horrific sad. Also, there's the want to stick myself with needles or pocket knife my arm. I haven't been this close to acting on an urge like that in at least 5 years. So, I'm attributing this to the Lyrica, and though I haven't consulted the doctor, I stopped taking it last night. I can't imagine where I'd go mentally if I continued on it, and that was the lowest dosage. I plan on calling the doctor and letting him know, but honestly, I don't think he's going to be much use to me. What's his next suggestion? Savella? Cymbalta? I've heard time and time again Savella has horrible side effects and Cymbalta caused a 19 year old girl to kill herself. So, we're talking another couple of months of testing with side effect craziness. That's DEPRESSING. Hahahahaha.
I've gotta wash my hair.
This weekend, I'm doing a show to sell my jewelry. If I make enough maybe I'll go see my family. If not, I'm buying a PS3. Either should cheer me up!
Aw, gah.. I hate these medications and their side effects. If you ever need someone to talk to, if the sad is also lonely -- hit me up. After you wash your hair :p
ReplyDeleteDon't be too quick to blame Lyrica (as much as I hate Lyrica) but also look at other meds you may be taking. It seems like most of us are also on some sort of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety and these can also CAUSE the things they are supposed to prevent.
ReplyDeleteLately for me, I've had to cut back my Cymbalta due to side effects and am finding that I'm dealing with the same issues you are (explosive bouts of anxiety and/or depression)